CBox Widget

I've come to realize what a wonderful widget a chat box is. Maybe even a must-have for blogs using EntreCard - for droppers like me who don't *want* to drop and run, but can't think of a comment worth posting on some one else's blog.

You can get one here if you don't already use one.

I added mine today here with a link at the top for easy access for all you EC surfers.

Rough Week

It's been a roller-coaster sort of week for me, up and down, and my "attacks" have returned ... But, like Boxer on Animal Farm, I just put my head down and keep on pulling.

More...

I did get a 50% raise from one of my article clients, which is fantastic. But I was so sick Wednesday I got no work done.

Yesterday I realized I am in no mental state to consider true recovery from my anorexia: some one (who shall remain nameless at least for now) commented that I *had* clearly gained some weight before, but had lost most of it again ... And my first thought upon hearing that was "so I *AM* fat!" and the second was "back to not eating, you fat sow." Now, to be clear, I am not even overweight in vanity pounds today: I don't have a scale but judging by how my clothes fit I am at a proper weight/weight distribution. But I *think* I'm fat, I *feel* fat, and there is nothing I can do to convince myself it is okay to eat when I have these fat-in-the-head issues going on.

Perhaps as part of that backslide, the panic attacks returned. I had gone almost four days without feeling anxious at all, and the last three days I didn't even need the meds to manage it. But yesterday I got slammed so fast with a panic attack I couldn't even fully register what was happening (which, in a way, was nice: panic attacks are no fun, so not being totally aware I was having one was just super).

So today I am just trying to keep myself going. Not the easiest thing to do, as anyone with "bipolar disorder" can attest. But I am too stubborn to do anything else.

Halloween Gear!

Rawr dark tee by indesapien

Rawr light tee by indesapien

Working From Home

I am living the dream so many of us have.

Working from home. Being my own boss, more or less (when you are the boss, of course, your customers or clients become your bosses).

The problem, naturally, is that the work is always there. I can't leave it at the office. And I have a hard time giving myself days off when I know that assignment is lurking, unfinished, waiting for me.

But I am working it out. I love the freedom of being able to set my hours as I like and listen to music or have a movie on in the background.

Better still, I get so busy I can hire subcontractors to help me out. If that's not the American dream, I am not sure what is.

Brief: Anxiety vs Panic

It one of those things that is so obvious it gets missed.

Lots of people use "anxiety attack" and "panic attack" interchangeably, but they are not the same thing. The use of the different words should be a tip-off, but even I missed the significance.

Anxiety can lead to panic. Anxiety attacks can be diffused before panic sets in. Anxiety attacks are more mild and less consuming than panic attacks.

I don't know the professional views on this as well as I know my own experiences, of course. YMMV.

A couple of haunts

As an amateur historian with a slightly morbid leaning, I find cemeteries a fascinating inlet to the people and times gone by.

Read more:

Within Joliet is Oakwood Cemetery, founded in 1855 to receive the remains of the city’s founding fathers. Over 18,000 interments have been performed there – and in the rear of the cemetery, there is a Woodland Indian burial mound estimated to be over a thousand years old, containing the remains of over 300 people. This burial seemed hasty, possibly indicating an epidemic or disaster long before the first Europeans settled the area.

It is just south of Hickory Creek, which runs through Pilcher Park to the east – a locale historic in its own right for its role in helping escaped slaves flee via the Underground Railroad during before and during the Civil War, and noted today by ghost-hunters and paranormal investigators alike for its spooky activity during both daylight and nighttime hours.

Further west, also along historic Route 6, is Aux Sable Cemetery. This location is also famous among those seeking chills and evidence of the afterlife. Ghost stories abound, as well as urban legends, but to date no credible evidence has been recorded.

Both sites are beautiful, well-kept memorial grounds. As with any cemetery, they are open to visitation only during the daytime, and trespassers at night risk arrest and prosecution – and perhaps a haunting that will last a lifetime.

The Boy's New Smile

This is one from a year ago ...

While I was working at the computer Saturday my son was playing at his friend’s house on the trampoline. I don’t like the trampoline, and have a standing rule that the kids can’t be on it if there isn’t an adult outside watching them on it - not just outside doing stuff, but actually watching them.

Of course, just having supervision can’t prevent accidents.

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And he’s the kind of kid that, through his tears of pain, apologized for breaking an adult tooth! I got him calmed with the assurance that the dentist will be able to cap it and no one will ever know unless he tells them (or loses the cap); and got him back to smiling by pointing out he has a fierce fang now and a wolfish grin, and had better not bite his sister Blossom no matter how bad she torments him since he’d cut her up bad for sure (not that he’s ever bitten anyone, but silliness was called for).

I suppose it is the natural perversity of childhood that they can’t have these minor accidents during normal office hours; it’s always the middle of the night or on weekends. I almost hope he doesn’t get his cap done before Halloween: he plans to be a pirate, and the broken tooth would enhance his costume nicely.

Blogging

I had a bunch of blogs for a while there, specializing by content. I give that up, though. Too much work. Blogging, for me, is closer to a hobby. I know a lot of people take it very seriously and see it as a viable source of income.

Now I have it whittled down to three, maybe four. JISE here will be my blog forever - even having the chance to switch to a WP blog, I like it here and I have done so much to get it to look the way I want.

Read on:

I had two blogs at Today.com, but they can suck it because they never want to pay people and I will only do so much work for free. You'll be seeing reposts of the content from there showing up here, eventually.

Kaleidoscopy at Absynthe Spectrum is one I am keeping: I use it to aggregate updates from JISE, Absynthe Spectrum, ASAP, and related content.

I have an LJ I don't use much any more, but I am keeping it because of the connections there and it's a good place for networking.

And the maybe-fourth is a co-written blog about weird things in Illinois. Haven't been to that lately but I suppose as I get caught up with other stuff I can contribute to it again, and possibly add it to the Kaleidoscopy aggregate.

Yeah ...

It's been a while since I posted. Getting myself back on track today.

Read on...

I have, for some unknowable period of time, had "spells," something like epileptic seizures but possibly not epileptic at all.

Mostly these "neurological events" are "staring spells," wherein from my perspective I am just concentrating on something, and from the perspective of others I am staring, unresponsive for some seconds. After these events I usually feel vaguely nauseous; preceding them I often have "auras" or precursors, usually anxiety, although sometimes I get no warning at all. These events are difficult to spot because they are subtle.

I've had a few more dramatic events that more closely resemble generalized seizures, where I lose consciousness and muscle control, but typically do not convulse like a stereotypical "grand mal" seizure. These, thankfully, have been very rare: three I can think of over 20 years.

So on Wednesday, 9/2, I went into the hospital for three days of EEG observation. Of course during those three days my brain was cheerfully quiet. I otherwise got rather depressed, being stuck in bed away from my family, but no events for the doctors to see. Friday I was released with an ambulatory EEG unit, meaning my head is still wired (until 1430 today) but at least I could go home.

Things have still been uneventful for the most part. I am not really surprised: my brain rarely cooperates with me in general, so why should it when I most need it to?