I had a problem with my Internet access.
So I called tech support about noon yesterday. Ray tells me he sees the problem, it will be fixed, and our connection should be up again within four hours.
Four o'clock, check the connection. No dice. Call tech support again.
Tricia tells me she will expedite the order. Should be up in 30 minutes. I ask her if I'll need to reset the modem or anything. She assures me I won't, it should just come on and be fine.
It isn't. At five-thirty I call again. Another CSR (didn't catch her name) tells me she sees the calls at 12:04 and 4:10, with the expedite request. *She* says it could take four (more) hours, usually it's 48, but with an expedite it drops to 24.
Nine last night, still no connection. Call the tech support line. I get a recorded message telling me the "24/7" office is closed, to call back during normal business hours, or I can go to their website for help and information.
IF I COULD GET TO THE WEBSITE, I WOULDN'T BE HAVING TO CALL TECH SUPPORT, NOW WOULD I?
This morning, call again. Debra tells me that from what she sees, our connection was fine as of 10:25.
I tell her it certainly isn't, and I want to talk to a supervisor. She tells me she will find one, but the supervisor won't be able to do anything more than she would be. So I explain to her the repeated calls and the fact that every CSR told me a different time frame, and not a single one of them was right.
When I worked in sales, customer service, and customer retention (ick), I learned the same thing in all three jobs: Under-promise, Over-deliver. It's not that hard. If you are positive that connection will be fixed in four hours, you tell the customer it will be twelve. They won't like it. They will bitch and moan. But when they check in five hours, just because they are hopeful and impatient, and the problem is fixed *only* five hours into the time frame, they are happy. They thought they'd have to wait twice as long.
You never, ever, EVER tell the customer "30 minutes" unless you are delivering pizza.
So when I talked to the supervisor, I gave her polite what-for and suggested they give better training to their CSRs. These poor people sit in their cubes all day, having angry, frustrated people like me calling and verbally dancing on the edge of abuse. The last thing they need is shoddy training and craptacular tools making the customers angrier.
She agrees, then advises me she will connect me directly with a tech-support agent instead of just transferring me to their call queue, and suggests I reset the modem and reboot my computer while we wait so that when the tech comes on the line, we can skip that time-consuming part of the process.
"Wait a minute," I say. "I was told I wouldn't have to reset the modem."
"Well, yes you do," the supervisor informs me. "I apologize for the misinformation, but when the connection is affected like this, you always have to reset the modem from there, we can't do it from here."
So. I reset and reboot. By the time the tech comes on the line, I have my connection restored and don't need to talk to her. But I vent anyway, now completely fed up with the entire mess and as close to profanity as I've been in such a situation in a very long time.
"I appreciate you letting me know your concerns and I apologize for any inconvenience," Maria the tech tells me with the bland, rote-memorization they have all used. And then she twists the knife:
"Thank you for choosing [company] for your Internet service. We appreciate your business. Have a nice day."
Monday, December 1, 2008 11:54 AM
From Federal Bureau of Investigation Mon Dec 1 09:54:57 2008
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Reply-To: robertmuelleriii_fbi@yahoo.cn
From: "Federal Bureau of Investigation" fbinewsreport@uk2.net
Subject: URGENT ATTENTION NEEDED (805)
Date: Mon, 1 Dec 2008 17:54:57 -0000
To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Anti-Terrorist And Monitory Crime Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J.Edgar.Hoover Building Washington Dc
Attn: Beneficiary,
This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly Investigated with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal Transaction with Impostors claiming to be Prof. Charles C. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Mr Frank Nweke, Dr. Philip Mogan, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks, Barr. Derrick Smith, kelvin Young of HSBC, Ben of FedEx, Ibrahim Sule,Larry Christopher, Dr. Usman Shamsuddeen, Dr. Philip Mogan, Puppy Scammers are impostors claiming to be the Federal Bureau Of Investigation. During our Investigation, we noticed that the reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment.
Therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry Of Finance on your behalf and they have brought a solution to your problem by cordinating your payment intotal USD$11,000.000.00 in an ATM CARD which you can use to withdraw money from any ATM MACHINE CENTER anywhere in the world with a maximum of $4000 to $5000 United States Dollars daily. You now have the lawful right to claim your fund in an ATM CARD.
Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation is involved in this transaction, you have to be rest assured for this is 100% risk free it is our duty to protect the American Citizens. All I want you to do is to contact the ATM CARD CENTER via email for their requirements to proceed and procure your Approval Slip on your behalf which will cost you $250.00 only and note that your Approval Slip which contains details of the agent who will process your transaction.
CONTACT INFORMATION
NAME: MR. DANIEL SMITH
EMAIL: smithdanielng@yahoo.cn
Do contact Mr. Daniel Smith of the ATM CARD CENTRE with your details:
FULL NAME:
HOME ADDRESS:
TELL:
CELL:
CURRENT OCCUPATION:
BANK NAME:
AGE:
So your files would be updated after which he will send the payment information’s which you'll use in making payment of $250.00 via Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram Transfer for the procurement of your Approval Slip after which the delivery of your ATM CARD will be effected to your designated home address without any further delay.
We order you get back to this office after you have contacted the ATM SWIFT CARD CENTER and we do await your response so we can move on with our Investigation and make sure your ATM SWIFT CARD gets to you.
Thanks and hope to read from you soon.
ROBERT S. MUELLER, III
DIRECTOR, FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535
Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM CARD, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Mr. Daniel Smith of the ATM CARD CENTRE who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation.